has it really been this long?
im finishing up my final projects for college and livejournal administration is threatening to downgrade my membership...
so in a sudden burst of nolstalgia i went back and read every single word i wrote, and every single word you all wrote to me...
i love you, livejournal... even though you were so fucking trendy and thats probably the reason i got involved with you... you were vital in helping me through a dark time... it was the demons i had to get out... and it was the acceptance i needed...
i am now strong... and i am now in love... and i am no longer putting on any kind of facade... life is beautiful and i wake up every morning with the appreciation of the things that i love... and the determination to overcome the things that hinder me...
i wrote this and i very much want to share it with you... i should keep it between me and my lover... but that seems impossible... i am too proud of it...
if any of you still frequent this lj establishment... please drop me a line and say hello... id like to hear from you...


in death, i will become very gentle
i will search for remnants of you in shelves and cupboards
because that is what is familiar

i will miss very much the ability to speak your name
and i will miss very much the sense to know that i never will see you again
i will miss my own reflection
and on some evenings when the air is static
my sad eyes can be seen on the faces of new lovers

im a seriously lame prick...
ive been away from livejournal for months on end because of college and such... and now finally.. when i make my triumphant return... its basically because i want to plug my shit to you people... i suck...
oh well... heres my shit
http://www.interpunk.com/item.cfm?Item=58802&
consider it plugged
buy it and i will smooch ya

one evening... heavy under the influence of drugs... i sprawled across my bed and a chior of thousands came to me from all sides... it sang pieces of beethovens ninth symphony... but the melody was not composed of notes... it was instead warmth, glowing warmth... different pitches of this energy traveled up along my spine... and i was struck dumb... voices surrounded and swirled around me... powerful and triumphant... and with tears escaping from my clenched eyelids... i reached up towards the ceiling with both hands... towards the air.. towards the sky and arched my back...
i can only hope that when i die... that chior will be there to greet me into my next life...

can you hear that? its the sound of a completely silent house... the stupid clicky-clack of my fingers tapping on the keyboard is the ooonly sound in this excessively large house...
my parents have gone again... for a week this time... and there is something very dangerous about me being alone...
sure, around people and in society.. i have my little quirks... some might call me weird.. but when im alone.. i mean... really alone... i start to lose it...
i thought playing piano would be a good idea... so i started... and i ended up playing two chords repetitively for the better part of two hours... getting numb of that... i knew that i must get a bath... because its just what i do on special occasions... so i filled the tub up and put on nuetral milk hotel BLARING through a tiny home stereo... and sank myself undrr... and let the water distort the music... it came in very pretty waves... so that was a nice experiment... but i ended up doing it for the whole cd... not bathing... not cleaning myself... even when the air got to the water and it was no longer a suitable temperature... and i was bitterly cold... i still sank my ears under the surface and listened...
but after the cd ended... the bath no longer had any purpose... so i drug myself out and laid on the bathroom carpet naked... depression overwhelming me... i have nothing to be sad about... my life is at one of its few and far between pinnacles... but i had that "this-existence-is-painful-and-i-am-so-lost" burning in my chest all the same...
i couldnt take it anymore... so i found the way to my room and i knew i couldnt wear pants... so i fashioned a toga out of a bedsheet and a scarf...
and thats where i am now... lord knows what i will do next... i feel very unstable and its frightening to be alone... my only hope left in the world is that i may attach myself to a movie or video game and then remain a zombie for the rest of the night... its the only way i will make it to morning!

im making a tshirt for our next show that says "television halts evolution"... i know you all really wanted to know my position on that...
oh and... my bitchy band members have problems with our probable cd cover...
here it is...

i need you all to collectively say how awesome this is... and if you dont think its awesome... then lie and say its awesome...amd if you are incapable of lying then keep your goddamn mouth shut... i cant fucking take anymore naysaying.

night sweethearts

so its about two days until we go re-record the splendid masterpiece known as nouveau... we are heading to watchmen studios in lockport, ny (it dies today, the avram, freya, im sure theres more but im not hip with the scene)...
we have to lay down all eight instrumental tracks in four eight hour blocks (one a day)... it wont be easy... and i will be on the floor ripping out my hair somewhere around the fourth hour of the third day... but watchmeneer doug white knows what hes doing... so i have confidence we will have our baby in pristine order by the end of the month...
my lover broke her back in a freak gasoline fight accident... err... a crowd surfing accident... she is sad and bored... for good reason... shes got herself a back brace to enjoy for a dozen weeks or so... it would be nice if i could remedy her boredom... so im spending as much time with her as believably possible... its fun...
normal journal entries arent my style... but i felt it necessary today... sorry.. you can stop reading here if you want... it gets no more exciting...

my band was considering covering the entire led zeppelin album "houses of the holy" but i think we are just going to cover black sabbaths "war pigs" instead... its more our style... blood brothers should cover a led zeppelin album... ill have to let them know that next time i run into them... heh
i am painting again... well not currently... but i have a canvas in front of me with the painting sketched out on it... thats enough to persuade me into splattering some paint on it i suppose...

i find it really hard to play piano in 4/4... im the dillinger escape plan of the keyboard world...
my parents arent home... and im not even sticking around to enjoy it... tonight im heading to amandas house to stay up all night watching the lord of the rings trilogy on a projection screen... fuck we rule...

last show my band covered "duel of the fates" from star wars 1... a few people actually recognized it... so that was nice... we make it tough as fuck... but i am well aware that doesnt make us any less dorky...

listen to "yuriko"... they are good...

i have a really bad problem with my eye because i didnt take out a pair of contacts for something like three months... now veins are attacking the iris and if they get into the pupil ill be blind... well.. in one eye...
the first eight years of my life or something... i had no depth perception because my eyes didnt work together... so everything looked like a flat painting... i fell down a lot of stairs and ran into a lot of walls...
it would be ironic if that happened again because i was blind in one eye... no maybe not ironic... funny... in that not humorous funny way...

its really refreshing when you meet up with an old friend from years past and its not awkward... when conversation is natural and you just keep smiling because you are happy to see them...
thats nice...
people are nice...
they are the reason for living you know...

that... and recording the crowning achievement of your existence thus-far....
those are the two reasons for living...

is that it? yeah thats it... bye.

hey kent
dennis lyxzen called... he wants his look back...

i cant say im really surprised...


You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

we are going to re-record our new album from the 24th to the 28th.. wish us luck... or don't... see if i care...

its official... have you heard?
last night i staged a coup de tat in the kingdom of cool and usurped the throne...

tonight... it happened...
i understood why i was playing music... and everyone around me... they understood...
we began playing in the small elks lodge filled to the brim with people... two hundred easily... and almost immediately there was a wave of motion through the crowd... all the bodies flailing about in random patterns... but at the same time.. in utter unison...
people in the front were just inches from me and i screamed to all of them... word after word... line after line... love after love... betrayal after betrayal... and they were screaming back... and at first i thought "wow... they know the words" and then i realized it wasnt the words i had written that they were screaming at me...
every single one of them... arms recklessly tossed in the air... were screaming their own personal torture... their own story...
bodies tumbled over top of one another... crashing down next to me... into my guitarists...
and we played on... i screamed to them all my passions and my fears... and i fell into them again and again... grabbing at their shirts... and them clutching onto me...
and at the pinnacle of our set... i lept off of the drumset and landed on a raft of arms... for a few moments that were a blissful eternity... i was floating over and on sweaty bodies that felt exactly as i did... full of love and full of desperation...
and the bridge of arms broke... and i fell into them... and grasping someones hand i screamed the rest of the song curled up on the floor... hands pulling at me... lifting me up... legs gyrating to all sides of me... chaos... the most peaceful ive ever been...
ive been saved... i understand what the world means to me... and what people mean to me... i understand that through music... i want people to FEEL... to stop apathy... to stop supression... to cry out at the top of their lungs and live life...

i have a girlfriend named amanda...
she is way too beautiful... she is so beautiful that her eyes sparkle... ive never known someones eyes to sparkle before...

i have a friend named psyche...
her and i were totally internet boyfriend/girlfriend back five years ago... but the revelation has just come to light that she fucked around on me... LOTS...
no wonder im so emo and sad now...
heres a picture of the wench... dont let her break your heart too!

yeah i know all you artfags love circle takes the square... but theres a new artfag band in town come to take the throne...
the string quartet didnt come through... but we did get a talented viola player to rock on a track... and its totally ridiculous... because he is johnny tapias cousin... and i kicked out the cello jams for a track... thats enough strings for this guy...
the cd is all muddy and unmastered at this point... and so i cant let anyone hear it until it totally rules... but let me assure you that at this point it is quite an EP of epic proportions...

heres brad pitts face on a pancake


i speak latin on this album... theres a vocal part thats in spanish... and theres a song title in french... we just cant decide on a single language to use i guess...
oh well... someone should really just take all the prettiest versions of words from languages around the world to compose a perfect poetry language...

new mexico was not as awesome as everyone made it out to be... but we did go to a mountain... and it was all foggy and we were above all the clouds so it really looked like a pretty accurate example of a cliche heaven... let me dig up a photos for youns guys...

(uhh... my digital camera is my van... outside in the cold.. ill post this later maybe)

string cheese is a good time... but more than three slabs of it can give you instantaneous cancer ive heard...

abra cadaver is a good name for a record label... harrison forcefield is a good name for a band... kent is a good name for a frontman who can scream and play piano at the same time... i rule...
bye...

yep... im in new mexico... we are on the dwindling last few days of recording... finishing up vocals and the string quartet is expected to be in the studio with us on thursday... pretty exciting stuff... its turning out pretty nicely...
i dont have much time to write anything interesting... so hey... love you all.. and i miss you all...

so uhhh... i took scissors and knives to my hair tonight... and the whole time i was thinking one thing...

"LIVEJOURNAL PHOTO OP!!"

so after taking about a dozen pictures i have one that could be suitable for posting...
heres atlas himself...

you are saying "what the fuck... you look the same as always"... not true!

PROOF!

this was me a week ago... angry at the world... hair disheveled and greasy... and worst of all... clothed!


but im better now.

super secret insider livejournal buddy information... the tracklisting for our upcoming album...

so i got in my first wreck ever on thursday night...
welll... thats not entirely true... i have hit a running total of six deer... but i dont consider those wrecks because deer have the worst sense of judgement and not even a highly skilled driver like myself can manuever out of all deer herd situations...
anyways... as i dropped off my companions at IUP after thursdays pittsburgh show with two fucking deathwish bands (and fear before the march of flames!)... i called my mother to tell her to "fear not! the stories you have heard of the roads being a winter hazard are unfounded!"
and indeed... they were fine... a little rainfall at that point... and so i set off confidently after putting my mothers mind to rest...
but as soon as i reached 119 i realized that it was not a road at all... but instead a BLACK ICE DEATH TRAP!
a simple mistake of tapping my brakes a moment later set my mothers van hurtling out of control...

my subsequent thought process in the next few moments went something like this...
"jerk the wheel to the opposing side! and then jerk it back the other way to right yourself!"
"nevermind! the first jerk did nothing at all! forget that second jerk! ummm.. more brakes?"
"im heading right towards that concrete barricade... hmmm"
"well i really can't do anything to help this circumstance... how fast am i going? ohh 45"
"45 isnt enough to kill me... ohh wait thats not true... i remember those movies in drivers ed... those dummies got totally rocked at 45"
"well i cant do a damn thing... i better just loosen up and enjoy this"
"wow... this is taking a long time... oh! here it comes..."

and then... a few quick jostling motions and flashes of light later... i was somewhere on the other side of the highway coming to a stop with blood trickling from my chin and a potential concussion...
the van was still running though... so i drove the rest of the way home... making it a point to pull over whenever i saw a wrecked car on the side of the road to see if i could be of some assistance...
anyways blah blah blah... i totally fucked up the van... i didnt have a concussion... just a great new experience to relive on livejournal...
seriously... i feel refreshed from it... a totally new experience... one which i was able to let loose and enjoy the thrill of... one which that did not kill me... and of course... you know... that makes me stronger...
or makes me in debt to my parents for wrecking their van... one of the two...

god... beatles fucking rubber soul fucking rocks!

this puddle looks like felix the cat with a broadsword...




dont see it?? perhaps youd like to LOOK AGAIN!!





our new album is nearing completion... i guess i lied in that one post where i said we werent close to done... oh well...
i dont know what i dare speak about it...

three people were dismembered in my car crash dream last night... and i know what youre saying... "big deal... ive seen plenty of dismembered people"... well im telling you... not like THIS you havent...
it sucked...
bad...
.

im serious... if i had a time machine... the first thing i would do is learn a whole bunch of beatles songs and go back in time and start playing shows six months before the beatles do... suckers...
then who would be responsible for the white album?!?! huh, fuckers!? THE KENTLES, thats who!

holy fuck... i havent gone out and played in the snow for like three years!... what the fuck is wrong with me?! today i made the resolution to go outside...
when i suit up to go play in the snow... i have to look as hardcore as possible... in case some kid wanders by and makes fun of me on my little runner sled... i can bust a windmill hardcore move and scare the kid right off...

FEAR ME!

i do not fear the ice... at three in the morning... i pass plow trucks on narrow country roads... they yell to me warnings and premonitions of my death... but i just laugh and crank my stereo up...
i... am... DRIVOR...

im also really weird...

heres the most alarming picture i have ever seen...


this devil machine has taken over my day...
im finishing up the lyrics for our next album...
in a month we go to record... and we are in no way ready for that... cough cough

when the end nears
i wonder will i measure you in years
or simply moments

dont do drugs...

im boring...

i am going to buy a crappy old shitpiece of a piano... and retune it and repaint it and fucking rock the world with it...

i want to score a movie someday... someday soon actually... if someones filming a movie... me and gregory eric anderson austin III will score it for you... and maybe andrew lloyd webber if hes free for a weekend...

heres a photo...

why update when i have nothing to say?
i got mario kert 64 in the mail from an ebay purchase today... sweet beautiful nectar of life... youve been gone from me for too long...
my self worth is seriously declining because i cannot find any inspiration to write for the remaining three songs on our next album...
im listening to too much circle takes the square... its making me want to produce music that is too elaborate to be understood or comprehended by the common man...
im also listening to a lot of neutral milk hotel... lovely folk songs of ambiguous sexuality... they make me cry whenever i drive my van anywhere...

inspire me inspire me inspire me inspire me